I have been thinking quite a bit about parenting the past week and had some thoughts I wanted to share here. Nate has entered an age where pretending not to listen, purposely changing his mind to test his boundaries, and even all-out tantrums are happening with greater frequency. Most of our time together is fun and undramatic, but he, like anyone else, has moodiness- good days and bad days. He's just at a place in his development where he is not able to fully express his thoughts and ideas. And, when they conflict with mine, he has trouble understanding why it must go my way: why can't he get too close to the road, or eat too much candy, or, as this morning, cut the tag out of his own t-shirt with a pair of sharp scissors. If I were wanting to do something, and it always went the other person's way if we didn't agree, I'd be frustrated too.
With watching how I approach these potential conflicts, I've been changing my language. We don't do time-outs, I don't banish him to his room to be alone. We talk through the conflict rather than Andy or I telling him what do do. And I always reassure him that he is heard and loved. If he is having a difficult time, I offer to help walk him to his room if he'd like to spend some time alone, but if he doesn't want to spend time alone- and he has only wanted to be alone once- I never, ever force him to be. Most of the time all it takes is rubbing his back, encouraging him to slow his breath, and giving him hugs. As a parent I assume responsibility for nurturing Nate's need for love, for attachment.
Looking forward to a weekend celebrating the fathers in our lives. We begin with Waterfire Columbus downtown tonight, brunch with my father tomorrow, and a cookout with Andy's family on Sunday. I plan to make French toast for my father and a pearled couscous salad with basil from my little yard for the cookout. How blessed are we to have this food to eat and family to share it with?
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